Disclaimer: explicit content. This is about mental, emotional, and sexual health in relationships. If you rather not know I suggest you keep scrolling!!
This is embarrassing to share, but whatever I’m more concerned about bringing the right/mutual energy to me to suit my needs. So if you must know...
In my past search for the perfect muse. I found myself constantly attracting women who misunderstand my emotional needs. I’m deeply into individualistic women and I feel it comes to a point where we’re just projecting each of our opinions,views, and individualality upon one another to see who caves instead of trying to understand one another’s differences and opposing views. I’ve grown to a point of maturity to realize when I’m doing this and I hope to attract the similar kind of woman now. During my experience in BDSM and DD/lg roleplay, which the role was handed to me at a young age, I fit in to it with grace, maybe I was meant to be a Dom. I discovered it’s not something I search for at all. Since then, my life has been a lot simpler, sometimes, most times lonely but A LOT more peaceful. I watched a video on BDSM with Aleta Cai, it was very insightful, her views of being a healer in a way intrigued me that day I was genuinely inspired by a Dominatrix. It’s almost if I found a colleague in this realm I thought, dishing out pain to fulfill my own emotional needs all the while contributing to the healing/need of another, which I find myself subduing daily in so many ways because it’s such a specific time and place for a full experience.
I studied a lot of
Marquis de Sade, even watched a few films that eventually made me sick. I never found pleasure in the humiliation part. It would take a very special woman and even I will have the opportunity to see what’s for me and what is not. As I withhold this part of me when I’m with a muse it never turned out good always bad and it’s completely my fault, I should and will never withold what keeps my interested ever again. I hope to repel all the wrong matches for me with this thought and feeling. I look to my straightforwardness to bring forth the right woman to me who can understand this side of me without judgement when I need it as I don’t look to bring emotional pain or trauma but a form of twisted pleasure. I set out with a positive focused intention for my needs to be met to have a stable long term monogamous or polygamous relationship, which is only when the need arrives. Something short-term I have no need to invest myself so honestly I felt and I was wrong I feel a lot of relationships don’t last because of that very thought of honest investment and sought to change this about myself.
I’m happy with my decision...