I was ready to see who was really for me. I stopped myself as a social experiment on myself to see who’s really with me, without all the extra, without all the whatever you call it. By deleting a hefty following online and social media I saved myself a life time of discernment.. I see who’s/what’s real and who’s/what’s not! I can bring ruthlessness now!
Damn!! I haven’t had this feeling in about 6 years. I can feel it in the air. You know that song?! I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord! That Phil collins jount. I’m overworked, throwing up from eating too fast, sleeping less, got my eyes set on an ultimate woman and got a glance back, the opposition is there hating at their best, and I have all my thoughts aligned focused on what’s really important. No smoke no drink... Well 1 beer rule right that’s it, incense burning, burning through any idea I see. I don’t know why people want to see me down so bad especially the ones trying to copy what I did or done. Inspiration is a rare commodity, it should be honored in all positive forms. Oh well but this is the feeling I had about 6 years ago so I know I’m on top of my game, my hair is growing pretty well, skin clear... Damn I just want to share this feeling. Can’t wait to play 3s at the arcade. I’m ready to set boundaries for those that step to me to cut the bs and cut a check! I feel like I was given a second chance at life and I’m very thankful. I’m very unforgiving this time... My inner peace will not be damaged again by external forces I will assure it. I’m ready to destory anything and anyone who’s hateful and racist...What’s it called, xenophobic? This is what I felt in my youth and I had a lot of misguided energy and emotions at the time and I’m glad I pumped the brakes! I watched from afar, the foundation I built is too solid it’s lasting longer than I exaggerated before. Wow! so many great things will happen when we cut the bullshit and raise our awareness to our emotions!! My life is secondary to my work and legacy 💪🏾🤴🏾👍🏾 No fear! Stay true is what I was told I will never forget 🖤 No matter how long it takes! Quality first! Therefore the debate is limited!
Disclaimer: explicit content. This is about mental, emotional, and sexual health in relationships. If you rather not know I suggest you keep scrolling!!
This is embarrassing to share, but whatever I’m more concerned about bringing the right/mutual energy to me to suit my needs. So if you must know...
In my past search for the perfect muse. I found myself constantly attracting women who misunderstand my emotional needs. I’m deeply into individualistic women and I feel it comes to a point where we’re just projecting each of our opinions,views, and individualality upon one another to see who caves instead of trying to understand one another’s differences and opposing views. I’ve grown to a point of maturity to realize when I’m doing this and I hope to attract the similar kind of woman now. During my experience in BDSM and DD/lg roleplay, which the role was handed to me at a young age, I fit in to it with grace, maybe I was meant to be a Dom. I discovered it’s not something I search for at all. Since then, my life has been a lot simpler, sometimes, most times lonely but A LOT more peaceful. I watched a video on BDSM with Aleta Cai, it was very insightful, her views of being a healer in a way intrigued me that day I was genuinely inspired by a Dominatrix. It’s almost if I found a colleague in this realm I thought, dishing out pain to fulfill my own emotional needs all the while contributing to the healing/need of another, which I find myself subduing daily in so many ways because it’s such a specific time and place for a full experience.
I studied a lot of
Marquis de Sade, even watched a few films that eventually made me sick. I never found pleasure in the humiliation part. It would take a very special woman and even I will have the opportunity to see what’s for me and what is not. As I withhold this part of me when I’m with a muse it never turned out good always bad and it’s completely my fault, I should and will never withold what keeps my interested ever again. I hope to repel all the wrong matches for me with this thought and feeling. I look to my straightforwardness to bring forth the right woman to me who can understand this side of me without judgement when I need it as I don’t look to bring emotional pain or trauma but a form of twisted pleasure. I set out with a positive focused intention for my needs to be met to have a stable long term monogamous or polygamous relationship, which is only when the need arrives. Something short-term I have no need to invest myself so honestly I felt and I was wrong I feel a lot of relationships don’t last because of that very thought of honest investment and sought to change this about myself.
I’m happy with my decision...